It has been awhile since I’ve posted. Thank you for the new followers and the lovely supporters asking how I am. I guess it’s time to give those of you an update. I stopped bloggging due to personal issues that I needed to get out from.
Today I want to tell you what I’ve experience and how good alway happens to you in the end. 4 months ago I was in a emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, that changed my life. For 2 years I was continuously getting accused of, knifed by horrible names that should never be said and just continuously having someone asking where you at or who you with every min and hour of the day. There was always something I was accused of either looking around or just looking good for myself. Something we don’t need in life: toxic people. Yes there were good but all the good at the end of the day turns to bad. During my past 2 year of growth, all the fights turned me into a angry and frustrated person. The worst was I completely lost myself. I didn’t like to get accused on and step on, as woman when you hit that spot of ours you can’t really fix it. Words of hatred screams out like it’s nothing.
I felt like I always had to listen to him, I felt like once I go out I’m going to get accused, I’m going to have to fight for myself. No one wants someone that is controlling. If your a man or woman you control your dam self. No one controls you. Not your parents, lover or friends. If there is something you want to explore and if someone has to be objective, that person shouldn’t be apart of your life. Healthy relationship supports each other through what you want in your life. I had to learn it the hard way in the end. If someone is always going to bash at you or accuse you, I’m just going to tell you one thing. They will drag you and drain you to get you no where.
I’ve always wanted to go into fashion, but I was young and still exploring (nothing wrong with that). About 8 months ago I wanted to put my money towards school. I wanted to go to fashion school. If you want it, you don’t need to consult no one with it. If you have a passion for it, you don’t need to think about it. But if you have to think about it, it’s not what you want to do. I had someone who wasn’t supportive of what I wanted to do. Made me feel unmotivated and just not giving me a chance to show what I can do. When I’m the one who sat behind a sewing machine for my whole life, have a family trait dated back to my great great grandpa all the way to now who did pattern making as a life and most of all I was the one who sat behind my grandma looking at her sew at 5. I wasn’t going to let no one stop me at this point.
After signing up for school my life wasn’t where I want to be yet. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t in a healthy relationship and i became a heavy smoker. A pack of smoke would be done in 2-3 days and I wouldn’t care about my health condition. I didn’t want to eat or do anything. One day I just didn’t want to take it anymore I was getting accused for being out with girlfriends for things that were nonsense. I had to call it quits. But healing was the worst, I was getting harassed with photo, text msgs and emails that made me at the verge to suicide. I stayed at my girlfriends house because I was scared for 2 weeks. I didn’t want to do anything but smoke my lungs out.
One day my girlfriend dragged me out for our old school buddies bday. It had been two weeks since my break up. She had fun but I was the DD, so I just enjoyed the music. In the end was when the man I am with now came up to me. The most funny thing was we knew eachother way back in 2011, had mutual friend including my girlfriend. At that time in 2011 we both had a lover so we never talked but just seen and heard about each other. The other funny thing was he said “wait your so and so chi (big sis), your sis would never let me meet you”. We laughed and said well we already know why. We got to know each other really well, he knew what I was going through and things just started to change.
One day he asked me to go cypress and while we were driving he asked me what do I wish for “to be honest I just wish for a memorable night”. That night being up at cypress, all my stress and anger just disappeared. It felt so heart warming and touched. I literally tear up because I’ve haven’t felt so free in my life. He made me realize, if someone isn’t treating you right there is always someone who wants to treat you right. As the month went by he met my parents and friends, went on dates and took be back to cypress to ask me for my hand. Honestly I wasn’t expecting anything but he knew what I liked as we chilled and picked out jade. I asked him don’t you want a prenup? He said “why? I love you and I trust you, we’re old generation wtf is prenup.” That’s love. Don’t marry someone if your scared about money because you don’t love that person at all.
We both have nothing to give but loyalty, trust and respect. Someone who was disrespectful and abusive once was giving me a lecture on loyalty and I laugh. Loyalty doesn’t mean you stay together when the thick is abusive and thin is temporary. Loyalty is holding each other like king and queen with love, affection and support for one. I’ve haven’t been so happy in a long time, he brought out the best in me in every way and gave me what I needed which was unconditional love. When I told him what I wanted to do he said go for it I’ll support you through it. Ever since I told him I want to do fashion, everyday he’s been driving me to school, providing me financially, and giving me motivation when I am stress.
The fact that our communication is so strong and how we accept our past for who we are makes us see each other in a different way. I’ve learnt that you can’t be with someone if they’re shady about their past and got to hide things. With him, he was open about all his ex and fun days in the past. With that being said it made it so easy to tell him my past because if someone can go depth, their willing to accept you as well. We trust each other, in a way that we’re so open about opposite sex or just anything and it’s a big thing. I’ve learnt this through my past, you can’t be with someone who is insecure and accuses. Someone who accuses you for insecurity are usually the one insecure. Because their the one who gets mad at you for looking good and accusing. That’s some child thing. And to the men and ladies if their going to judge you for what you wear, he needs to go see a doctor. Because it’s them that can’t stand their ground.
Basically what I’m trying to state here is cut the toxic people in your life, someone out there is tired of seeing you constantly being in the wrong hands. You will never know what’s on the other side if your still in the dark side. It’s hard, but your not alone. Someone out there can give you emotional love instead of emotionally abusing you. That person can respect you without accusing and bashing on you. There is always someone that will always be there to support, not just on thin days. Love is crazy but imagine spending your life with someone who is no good for you, live your life with happiness. I’ll say one thing someone who is always about that money and what’s theirs will always be that way. If love can’t change them, nothing will. Love yourself and someone will love you with sincere. You maybe in a dark place but someone will one day take the walls down and rebuild it with windows to show you what is happiness.