Advise

Maybe it’s time to let go 

Nights turn to sleepless crying night. Days turn to sleep all day. I don’t know how to say this but wish that I never took this road or wish to rewind to the good old days again. I’m stuck in the middle of being afraid. I guess it is true I’ll always be the one who is the weak one. But what can I say, I don’t blame anyone but me. I’m not prefect I scream and get mad because I have so much bottled up inside me. That’s what I get for never being open about my soft side because I don’t show that side of me like I use to. I remember I use to be open about everything. I was comfortable talking about things no matter who you are and then as I grew up. I start to realize people take me for granted. I start to shut people off and just live my life without those people. 

Then my life started to go through bumps because when you shut those ones around you, you start to feel alone. Those bumps start to come back into my life now. Where I just want to distant myself from everything and everyone again. Take a plane to where I was suppose to be and finish my career. Start off fresh because I don’t know who I am no more. For once maybe I’ll finally stop faking a smile and stop lying that everything is ok. Because I don’t want those around me to worry. I put myself last and that’s probably why I don’t love myself. I speak from a positive aspect in my blog because I don’t want my readers to go through this struggle. With no one giving you a hand, no one able to comfort you, and no one really there. When your at this point you start to get selfish about yourself because you feel all yourself is what you have. 

12 years ago I took this stupid survey with some friends over at my house “how will you die”. I was in 6th grade at this time, so I wasn’t smart or familiar with the real world. My results came out and it said “suicide”. I didn’t know what it meant until I grew up. This still haunts me after 12 years because it feels like that’s how it would end. I had nights where I wanted to but I quickly called the help line. But there were times I just sat in my car staring out in the ocean and cried because that’s all you can do when your mind messes with you. Especially when you have someone up above you. Losing someone through death or heartbreaks hurt. It doesn’t matter if your the one who made that decision. It still hurts. 

Next month, its mother day. I’m a mother to a lost child. Imagine knowing at that time you had to do what’s right but everyday it hurts you. You felt the bond as a mother and then it’s gone. It drives you crazy everyday because there is not a day that you think of your baby. All you want is your baby and when things in life get hard that’s who you want to be with. 

Advertisements
Advise

Depression 


You lose your self more and more everyday. Where you have no appiete to eat anymore. Life without goals, energy,  looking forward to anything and you distant yourself from everyone. You constantly find ways to get back up but you can’t. You cry more than you eat. Everything hurts. You try to get up but you can’t. You want to die but you don’t want to be selfish. It hurts so much and there is nothing you can do. You don’t want to find help or tell anyone because no one knows what’s it like to be in your shoes. 
Ice cream and dessert use to solve all my problems. Now it no longer does. Smoking use to make me more calm but it doesn’t no more. Running to my loved ones use to slove everything but it no longer does no more. I only have myself. In a world where your depress you only have yourself. You do everything you can to wipe your tears away but it no longer is useful because you cry so much to a point there is no tears. 

I started to blog because of depression, in many ways it encourage me to open up more. Though I don’t blog personally about my life, I take a different aspect to express my feelings. Days that I’ve become upset I open my laptop or my phone and just start blogging away to get my mind off it. Sometimes the best thing to do in order to overcome depression is writing because it’s hard to tell someone but it’s not hard to write how you feel out. Things will get better maybe not now but it will. 

Sometimes you just have to hold on to yourself. Sometimes you just got to brush yourself off and just not let depression take over you. It’s hard but believe in yourself you can do it. No matter how hard it can be. At some point you got to fight it and not be afraid of depression. “Your beautiful, your smart in your own ways, your loved and cherished. Don’t be so hard on yourself, sometimes when things just don’t go the way you want it, just let it be. Let time figure it out” 

Your not alone. 

Uncategorized

Happy birthday little brother 

Wherever you are in the world now I hope your happy up there. It’s your birthday today and I can’t get over the fact that your gone now. It hurts inside to know but I know you waited for me to go. The last time I saw you was the day you pass, and hours after you left. I got to spend those last few hours holding your arms and it was the most memorable moment. It was the only thing I could do in the end from all the tough patches we been through. 

I still remember we all went camping as a group and I got so mad at you. Because you brought a minor with us! I wish I didn’t get mad at you but I did because that mines he was under our supervision. Remember your first heartbreak? I remember your buddy at that time couldn’t handle it so he gave the phone to you, I was there listening to you and giving you advice. It was heartbreaking but after that you learned what was real. 

In 2013 we got really close like brothers and sisters. Your family treated me like their own. I would come over for nails and your sister would always call me chi. Till this day your family still treats me like their and I’m blessed. When things in 2013 got too bumpy for me you saved me. You call me everyday to check up on me. When we use to hit up raves and club I would always have to pretend to be your girl to get pass security. But it worked and we had a fun time! 

Your one of the realist, honest and heartwarming person I’ve ever met. I know you made a bad desicision in life and life took you over. But everyday I still miss you and hate the fact that one of my closest people that I love is gone. I miss you, happy birthday brother. 

Hubby

What is love? 


When true love walks into your life you just know that feeling. The love is deep and reassuring. The roller coaster goes up and down but in the end it comes to a stop. The Ferris wheel goes round and round but in the end it comes to a stop. In love we fight but in the end we stop and make up, then we go back on the ride again. 

You A year and a half ago I never thought I’d meet the love of my life. I never thought there would be someone so caring, protective, nurturing, supportive and loyal. But like all relationship we have bumps on the roads. He is someone who shows me what it’s like to be love and care about. But also shows me what is like to have difference., to win an argument, what’s it like to scream under the roof top and getting mad at each other. The love is pure and real, indescribable. The moment we locked eyes on eachother was the craziest feeling, a feeling I never felt before. Through time this crazy feeling still exist as we lock eyes on eachother.

Love without sparks through time isn’t love. When it’s love, all you wanna do is be with your significant other either it’s staying out, cruising or just laying in bed and pillow talking. When I was younger I use to have a different mind set that was a lot different. But as I grew older I realize being with someone isn’t hitting up the hot expensive DJs or going out to drink together. It is more about spending your days and nights alone together. Maybe you all don’t understand yet but when the one comes around they drop everything for you like being a married couple. 

Love is patient, it takes time. Sometimes it may seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years. But in time love will fold together and come together as one. No need to rush things. If things get tough cry it out and if you still love your significant one while get back right at it. That is what matters. 

Happy anniversary ❤ 

Food

Vancouver Hot Pot: Boiling Point 

Who doesn’t like hot pot? Especially a hot pot to yourself! Well Vancouver has these little hot pot places all to yourself! Where your food doesn’t get cold if your a slow eater and I’m a slow eater.  It takes me about an hour to eat a bowl to myself. So I like my food to stay hot. I’ve been here a few times and if your around the area it’s a great place to go, just not in the summer. I came here once in the summer and I was sweating like no tomorrow! 

Atmosphere: The atmosphere here can get really crowded, especially at dinner time. Besides having to wait for seats, it’s pretty loud since this is a family restaurant where you might hear babies crying or just people talking loud. So I wouldn’t recommend coming here on your first date. During lunch hour there usually is no wait. This place gets pretty hot, so don’t be wearing your wool sweaters and scarves here. 

Price: This place is pretty pricey for a one hot pot. You pick either rice or a bowl of vermecilli with your hot pot. The picture above us is about $12-15 per a pot. If you go during lunch time you get a free iced green tea or black tea of your choice. Dinner you don’t get a free drink sad to say and the hot pot are alittle bit more pricey but same size. 

Food: The food here is amazing! There are spicy and non spicy hot pot. You get to pick how spicy you want your dish. If your Asian and like stinky tofu, they got that here. On the table you get to make your own sauce to dip, which is great when you want different taste in your food. The house special is the go to if you don’t know which one you like (top picture) and the lamb hot pot (bottom picture) which is not spicy, but as you can see lots of stuff in the lamb hot pot. Pair is with a fresh milk tea! Underneath your hot pot is a fire lit with wax, it last for about 30 mins or more. But when you feel that you don’t need the fire no more you have the choice to ask them to shut it off. Which is a great thing, so your food is always hot.

Service: The service here are kinda not what you expect. Some of them have an attitude like getting annoy of customer, standing around and talk to their croworkers. Sometimes I know it gets busy but no need to place the bowl on the table so hard. The Richmond location has a lot of staff but only some of them would come around to fill your water or tea up and ask if you want your fire to be shut off. The Burnaby location not as much and it can be hard to get their attention when you need something because the way the tables are set up. 

Location: There are two location one in Burnaby and one in Richmond. If you have a chance stop by at any of these or even both so you can experience both restaurant! There are other location around the world so check out this website of there is one where you live in! Tell me  your review on it! 

http://www.bpgroupusa.com/choose_region.html

Advise

Do what they think you can’t do 

I’m sure everyone is familiar with this topic but not everyone has the courage to follow it. Why? Fear. Fear that if you do it, you might fail and beileve that you can’t do it. Fear that you just aren’t good enough. Fear that your just not made for this. Fear that the outcome won’t satisfy anyone. But why does it matter to them? Why do they’re opinions, humiliations, responses matter so much to you? Because we live in a world where we grew up that people impression matters. It shouldn’t matter. Living in a city that involves having nice clothes, luxury cars, looking good and going to fine places growing up is tough. In school I was pick on for not having those things, beileve me it was the worst coming home crying because I was made fun of. I was left out because I wasn’t the cool kids. 

But when I finally got those things, it didn’t matter, because people still call you out for not having the latest design, that’s not even in or it’s fake. As I was in senior I finally realize no matter what you have or do people will still humiliate you. When everyone looked at me that I’ll never be good at something I showed them I could do it better and then what? Nothing changes the way people will look at you. So why are we here trying to impress others? When you should be doing it for yourself. 10 years down the road the same people will either be sucking up to you or looking down at you still. Why do we want that? Those people shouldn’t be in your life. You were brought into this world to enjoy your life. Not satisfying someone else’s life. 

So do what they think you can’t do. Don’t worry about what others are going to say. What they say should not matter. Don’t let them put you down, give it your best. If you fail, at least you tried and you can always do it again. It’s not the end of the world if you can’t do something, we all have different weakness and strength. But you won’t ever know your weakness or strength if you haven’t tried. The best feeling is proving the people who look down at you wrong. After that they can say what they want and it shouldn’t bother you no more. 

From my experience with bullies, it’s best to stay quite and let them watch what you can do. Bullies are just there because they need attention, they want to be recognize but don’t give them that attention. They gain strength from your attention. Show them what you can do and haters you should be ashamed of yourself.

Hubby

Rainy umbrella walk date 

It’s a rainy Vancouver week here. Don’t you just hate the rainy weather, it just makes the day slower and gloomer? I was never a rain person, always had loved the hot sun. I’m not a umbrella person, because of bad experience with my umbrella flying away, turning inside out or just blowing me away. I’m a put on a hoodie person or a scarf when it rains.

Today in a long time my man and I had a old school romantic walk. It was probably one of the best moment I had. Out of no where he pulled out a umberella before we left the house. My reaction was like “NO! Why we need an umbrella?!” He said “Don’t worry I’ll hold the umbrella.” As we were walking we stopped and he said “My lady”. Yes I love it when he treats me old school style, it feels more touching than “babe”. “Hunny” makes me get the butterflies but doesn’t beat “my lady”.
A kiss under the umbrella with the rain, it is the most romanticist thing ever. Some would say fancy dinner, but I rather pick a walk on the beach than nice dinner. Sometimes it’s the little thing that matters. The fights don’t matter at the end of the day. What matters is having eachother at the end of the day.

Sometimes when things aren’t going well, it’s time to go for a walk, hold hands and have those kisses. Don’t afraid to pull back the old school days, take it to the 50 century and just enjoy it. Yes he still open doors for me, pay for food, drive me to nice spots, and holds the umbrella so I don’t get wet. It’s the best thing ever.

Rosco

2nd week – Baby Rosco 

Another week has passed since I had this little man. This week has been a lot better, he is starting to sleep through the night without whining. Which I am really happy for since were up at 4 am and we need our sleep. I took him to work twice and I was really surprise to see him behave and just waiting for me to get off work.

This week had been dealing with him pooping! He pooped in my car three time, which I am not happy about. One time right in front of me at 5 in the morning! I put him in the bath tub to poo before I head out but he didn’t. The next time was when I didn’t want to leave him in the house one late night, so I left him in my car to go for a walk with my man and his dog. It was literally 10 mins and I came back there was poop on his blanket. The other time was when I was getting gas, just one min and then he poop on his new blanket! I’m glad my seats are leather and not fabric.

Now that he’s comfortable with the people I love he gets alittle too excited. He’s always jumping around and running around like crazy. Especially at my man house, once we open the bedroom door he books it to the kitchen and then books it back in. He’s starting to bite on clothes which scares both of us, he’s been jumping off his bed when he’s not suppose to and just a baby! But all in all I still love this little man.